I know happiness is fleeting and the further I chase it the farther from it I get like Percy Jackson trying to understand how their quest would fail, failing to save what matters most, and driving himself crazy over it. I know happiness is not found where my culture tells me it is. It’s not in a flat belly, long lush eyelashes, or a bodacious booty. And it is not in the three desires of man—sex, money, or power. It’s not in the corporate ladder or idealistic mommy-stay-at-home tropes. I do know happiness is soft and quiet like the growth of the spring tulip or flutter of the hummingbird’s wings. And happiness is loud and, almost, deafening like the unrestrained laughter of my one year old’s belly roars or the rushing waters of the Shoshone Waterfall in Southern Idaho. It’s something I find myself sitting in the midst of, like when my boys and I are at the park on a rare sunny January day just swinging and sliding and climbing. It’s never needing to fabricate a counterfeit conjured up emotion of my own crafting but rather reveling in every warm and bold color reflected off the clouds from the glorious rising sun. I also know happiness rarely exists on its own; it’s often intermingled with sorrow, grief, and anger. I know because just this past Christmas my mom experienced the happiness of watching her children and grandchildren make Christmas cookies and excitedly open gifts while her heart felt the deep ache of losing her mother, father, and brother all in one year—this was our first Christmas without them. Happiness is not clear-cut with defined lines and shapes or paragraphs. I cannot tell you where to find happiness nor would I ever dare. And besides, each of us find ourselves in happiness over differing things. The most I can offer is this, when I keep my soul open and soft and attentive I find happiness trickling in like a stream making its way through the forest until one day it finds itself in the forever vastness of the deep ocean.
This was inspired by a writing prompt from Exhale- a group of women cheering each other on to create in the margins of motherhood. Find out more about them here https://www.exhalecreativity.com/
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